


[ADULTS ONLY 18+]

by Kittycattycat



Category: Codename: Kids Next Door
Genre: Biphobia, Bisexuality, Crushes, Gen, Homosexuality, I'll tag as the fic progresses, M/M, Most of these characters didn't have tags and I had to make them myself, Multi, Not Actually Unrequited Love, There are some mentions of fizz's soda addiction but You Know, ben is a confused gay and has no idea what is going on ever in his life, chatfic, im almost offended, its the adult villains group chat fic you never wanted, like. Really cliche biphobia, or at least a little bit Not Straight, shitposting, theyre all gay harold
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-07-07 03:22:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15899865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittycattycat/pseuds/Kittycattycat
Summary: FIRE EMOJI: Adults against children group chat. Don't be stupid.MR. B has left the chatFIRE EMOJI: That’s fair.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Mr. B - Mr. B  
> Mr. Boss - Mr. Boss/Boss Baby  
> Common Cold - Sneezy  
> Count Spankulot - Yaoi Hands  
> Gramma Stuffum - Food-For-All  
> Crazy Old Cat Lady - Meow  
> Mr. Wink - Buffalo  
> Mr. Fizz - Soda pop  
> Chester - Chestnut  
> Father - FIRE EMOJI  
> Robin Food - archer boy

FIRE EMOJI has added Chestnut, Mr. Boss, Sneezy, and ELEVEN OTHERS to the chat

 

FIRE EMOJI has changed the chat’s name to ADULTS ONLY 18+

 

FIRE EMOJI: Adults against children group chat. Don't be stupid.

 

MR. B has left the chat

 

FIRE EMOJI: That’s fair.

yaoi hands: that title certainly carries some inappropriate connotations, no

Soda pop: no, not everyone is a pervert like YOU

yaoi hands: im not a pervert! 

Buffalo: It is a little scandalous.

FIRE EMOJI: ?  
FIRE EMOJI: O h  
FIRE EMOJI: I should probably just

 

FIRE EMOJI has changed the chat’s name to ADULTS AGAINST CHILDREN

 

Mr. Boss: I don't understand what's happening

 

SNEEZY has renamed MR. BOSS to BOSS BABY

 

Boss Baby: WHAT

Sneezy: welcome to hell.

Meow: watch your mouth!

Food-For-All: shut the hell up

Chestnut: Get her good, Gramma!

Food-For-All: nobody was talking to you!

Meow: bash me all you want, at least I can cook  
Meow: even my garbage can won't touch that casserole you brought me last week

Food-For-All: well i never!

archer boy: I must agree! It’s rather bad

Food-For-All: and to think i let you have entire meals, robin!

archer boy: you didn't LET me have anything  
archer boy: i stole it!

Food-For-All: oh yeah, SURE you did  
Food-For-All: you think you were sneaky?  
Food-For-All: i saw your gaudy outfit from a mile away

archer boy:  
archer boy: 

 

ARCHER BOY has left the chat

 

Chestnut: Ladies and gentlemen, I've just been witness to an absolute murder


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Stickybeard - slappy hands  
> Common Cold - Sneezy   
> Crazy Old Cat Lady - Meow  
> Father - FIRE EMOJI

slappy hands: loev iss dead and never exissted   
slappy hands: all youh did wasd betray me as ii lay sick and festerring   
slappy hands: you are rhe defenition of dread 

Sneezy: Holy fucking shit are you okay??

slappy hands: one o @Meow ‘s cats stole myf uckign boysenberrh candy

Sneezy: ASBDDHSJ

slappy hands: @Meow tell fhim to gvie it back 

Sneezy: @Meow Fess up  
Sneezy: @Meow  
Sneezy: @Meow

slappy hands: @Meow

Meow: CAN YOU IDIOTS STOP @ ING ME 

FIRE EMOJI: I swear to god I'm going to delete this chat and kill you all one by one.

Sneezy: Do it coward  
Sneezy: I've been prepared to die since day one  
Sneezy: With my last breath I'll give you a horrible case of seasonal allergies 

FIRE EMOJI: God you're so weird.

Sneezy: It's a hobby

FIRE EMOJI: I'll kill all of you except Common Cold.  
FIRE EMOJI: Just because he'd probably enjoy it.

Meow: He would

Sneezy: I would 

slappy hands: OKAY BUT WAHT ABOJT MY FUCKGIN BOYSENBERRY CNADY THOUGH


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Fizz - Soda pop  
> Mr. Boss - Boss Baby  
> Toiletnator - Toilet Boy

Soda pop: god, i want a soda  
Soda pop: somebody's got to give me some motivation not to get any

Boss Baby: Uh… don't, then?

Soda pop: it's not that easy!  
Soda pop: i know i shouldn't but it just  
Soda pop: keeps calling out to me

Toilet Boy: i believe in you! you don't have to fall back into it!  
Toilet Boy: drink something else, like water!

Soda pop: ugh, if only such a thing would satisfy me  
Soda pop: my old soul can only be soothed by the fizzy, carbonated taste of an ice cold rootbeer

Boss Baby: You're not even that old!

Soda pop: oh please  
Soda pop: im so old, my bones are like cereal

Boss Baby: ...Explain.

Soda pop: snap crackle pop

Toilet Boy: ASJFBTJDMS

 

TOILET BOY has renamed SODA POP to SNAP CRACKLE SODA POP


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Knightbrace - Adult Braces  
> Mr. Wink - Buffalo  
> Mr. Fibb - Walrus

Meow: Okay, SO  
Meow: We have GOT to address the elephant in the room here  
Meow: @Boss Baby, you have to quit flirting with Toiletnator!  
Meow: We get it, you're gay.

yaoi hands: SOMEONE SAID IT

Toilet Boy: huh??

Boss Baby: I'm not flirting!  
Boss Baby: And I'm not gay either!

Toilet Boy: (he's bi)

Boss Baby: I'm bi.  
Boss Baby: YOU’RE NOT HELPING!

Chestnut: So, half-gay, then

Boss Baby: I’m bi. That's it. Not half-anything.

Adult Braces: Basically the same thing

FIRE EMOJI: No.

yaoi hands: no

Toilet Boy: it's really not

Walrus: It’s not

Buffalo: No.

Adult Braces: Okay, okay, I get it  
Adult Braces: I'm sorry

Boss Baby: Apology accepted.

Chestnut: Sounds fake but okay  
Chestnut: I just think you should pick a side  
Chestnut: It's kinda greedy

FIRE EMOJI: Oh my god.

Toilet Boy: uhh…

yaoi hands: ew

FIRE EMOJI: We get it, you're biphobic.

Buffalo: It is about time someone said it.  
Buffalo: He called me some rather colorful terms once upon a time.

Walrus: You never told me about this.

Buffalo: I did not want you to worry.

Walrus: @Chestnut  
Walrus: Step away and refrain from insulting my husband. It is not your right or even privilege in the slightest. I think he is wonderful exactly the way he is.

Buffalo: <3

Walrus: <3 

Toilet Boy: [this_is_the_cutest_shit.png]

yaoi hands: they truly are the sweetest couple

Chestnut: Why is everyone acting like I'm attacking them?!  
Chestnut: Look, you're either gay or you're straight, YOU CAN’T BE ATTRACTED TO BOTH!  
Chestnut: Bisexuality isn't a real thing!

 

FIRE EMOJI has banned CHESTNUT from the chat

 

FIRE EMOJI: Good fucking riddance.

Walrus: Yes.

Buffalo: Agreed.

Boss Baby: 

Toilet Boy: mr boss sir are you okay???

Boss Baby: I'm fine.

Toilet Boy: too late im coming over to check on you

Boss Baby: PLEASE don't.  
Boss Baby: I'm FINE.  
Boss Baby: And honestly I'm busy.  
Boss Baby: I shouldn't even be on here right now.

Toilet Boy: mr boss!!  
Toilet Boy: mr boss???  
Toilet Boy: sir?

Adult Braces: Leave the poor man alone  
Adult Braces: It's kinda been a rough day I would imagine

Toilet Boy:  
Toilet Boy: ill check on him later 

FIRE EMOJI: So, not to intrude on your business, but are you two actually an item or not?

Toilet Boy: oh  
Toilet Boy: uhh  
Toilet Boy: i dont...think so?

Meow: But you're into him.  
Meow: Because I mean, it's pretty obvious.

yaoi hands: preach

Adult Braces: Preach x2

Food-For-All: you know stuff is going down when even knightbrace knows it.

Adult Braces:  
Adult Braces: I wanna be offended but you're right

Toilet Boy: uuhhhhhhhhh  
Toilet Boy: i dont, uh  
Toilet Boy: i dunno??  
Toilet Boy: i never really thought about it…  
Toilet Boy: hes more like a friend i think!!  
Toilet Boy: at least, i like to think we’re friends

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: @FIRE EMOJI bet you're pretty happy

yaoi hands: what

Meow: What?

Food-For-All: what

Toilet Boy: what??

Adult Braces: Hey okay so @Snap Crackle Soda Pop @FIRE EMOJI what the actual FUCK does that mean

Food-For-All: I KNOW RIGHT

FIRE EMOJI: I'm gonna snap crackle pop your fucking NECK Angelo.  
FIRE EMOJI: BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: yes you do

FIRE EMOJI: NO I DON’T!

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: direct message me you idiot

FIRE EMOJI: I swear to god I am THIS close to killing you.

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: what's new  
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: dm me

FIRE EMOJI: Fine, whatever.

Adult Braces: WHAT IS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW

Toilet Boy: is it something i said????

Food-For-All: holy fucking shit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chap has actually been sitting in my Google Docs for a good solid while and I completely forgot about uploading it! Bless u anonymous commenter from like ten minutes ago. 
> 
> Lmao I'll prolly end up working on this more bc I just,,,, forgot how much I loved this fic jcbdhdbdk


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mr. Fizz - Snap Crackle Soda Pop  
> Father - FIRE EMOJI

SNAP CRACKLE SODA POP has opened a direct message chat with FIRE EMOJI

SNAP CRACKLE SODA POP has changed the chat’s name to BEN’S DATING DISASTER

 

FIRE EMOJI: For christ’s sake Fizz, I'm going to KILL you for this!   
FIRE EMOJI: Every single thing I told you was absolutely confidential!  
FIRE EMOJI: You had no damn right to say or even IMPLY anything that you said!

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: yeah, sure, whatever fire-boy  
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: i'm just trying to get you a date my friend

FIRE EMOJI: And I don't want one!

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: i'm officially calling horsefeathers on that  
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: look  
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: you've been interested in lou for what, a few months now?  
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: at the very LEAST since your little run-in with him at last summer’s pride   
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: you know he's bi, and now you know he's single, too  
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: ask him out!

FIRE EMOJI: Not the time, Angelo! Not the time!

Snap Crackle Soda Pop:  
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: okay so i can't send emojis with this phone right now but imagine i’m sending one that has a VERY skeptical face  
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: stop with the fake anger and open up  
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: we’ve been through this before

FIRE EMOJI:   
FIRE EMOJI: I just.   
FIRE EMOJI: I dunno.  
FIRE EMOJI: What am I supposed to do if he's not interested?   
FIRE EMOJI: It's gonna be really awkward for everyone involved and I'm basically going to die.

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: ben, he's not going to turn you down, i can almost assure you of that  
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: he basically worships the ground you walk on  
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: plus, not to be rude, but he's not exactly in a position to be turning ANYBODY down

FIRE EMOJI: And that's the thing!  
FIRE EMOJI: What if he just says yes because he feels like he has to, or because I'm the only one who's ever asked?

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: oh for god’s sake, ben, this is ridiculous! you sound like you're sixteen  
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: you're a fully grown adult and you're FATHER. one of, if not THE most recognizable and feared villains around  
Snap Crackle Soda Pop: you can certainly ask some stupid boy-crush on a date with you!

FIRE EMOJI: He's not stupid, Angelo!  
FIRE EMOJI: But I guess you're right.  
FIRE EMOJI: I can do this, can't I?

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: you're damn right you can!

FIRE EMOJI: Yeah, I can!

Snap Crackle Soda Pop: then go ask lou out, you ridiculously stupid baby! 

 

SNAP CRACKLE SODA POP has closed the direct message chat BEN’S DATING DISASTER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally haven't watched KND since before I uploaded the last chapter but I was struck with the sudden inspiration to work on this bit of the fic again because this whole weird relationship I have planned out in my head is FANTASTIC to me. I'm,,,,, I like this ship a lot guys, and no one ships it but me. I'm really and truly wildin'.


End file.
